I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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