Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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