You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
