How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
