was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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