More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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