Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
