don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
