So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
