K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
