Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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