the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
