White coat. Heels.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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