Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
