I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
