What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
