someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
