He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
