1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
