Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
