I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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