I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
