chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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