You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Congratulations! We have a period
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