I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
