So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
