I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize