I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
