I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
