He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
