god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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