im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
