my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
