She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
