it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
