I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
