I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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