so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
