just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My liver just had a heart attack.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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