My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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