Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
