We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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