Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
