on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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