tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
