i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
