just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
