oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
