i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
