Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
