I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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