is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
