btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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