woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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