420 ftw
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
