I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
