So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
