I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
