The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
