How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
