I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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