dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
