I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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