Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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