I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's shark week go big or go home
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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