Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
