I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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