Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
