I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
