got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
