This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
