My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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