Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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