Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
