Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was like eating out sand paper
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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